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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29616102">My boyfriend is an alien</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthDrarry/pseuds/SouthDrarry'>SouthDrarry</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Valentine’s Special [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>South Park</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cute, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Valentine’s Day</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:41:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,172</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29616102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthDrarry/pseuds/SouthDrarry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tweek’s boyfriend Craig is acting suspiciously. Maybe he’s an alien? </p><p> </p><p>Also known as Tweek’s point of view to the Kiss Me fic.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Valentine’s Special [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2175933</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>sp creek server valentines 2021</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/qorisheep/gifts">qorisheep</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Not complete yet, just a one shot of Tweek’s POV to this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tweek knew something was wrong as soon as he returned from the school’s crappy endeavour at a bake sale. Not that his cupcakes were crappy; he’d been producing store bought quality baked goods since he’d been able to walk without assistance. Out of all the things Tweek Tweak was sure he’d fuck up (and be subsequently sold into slavery) making cupcakes was not one of them. They put everyone else’s to shame, hence why the girls on the Student Council had literally begged him to bake some for them.</p><p> </p><p>Craig hadn’t wanted to deal with those <em>snotty bitches </em>as he called them; he was afraid he’d get a detention if he was forced to socialise with Wendy Testaburger and Heidi Turner, so he’d left him to it. Not that Tweek minded, he wasn’t <em>codependent </em>or anything, but after seeing the suspicious way Craig now acted upon his return, he wished that he’d stayed instead and had kept any eye on him.</p><p> </p><p>It was just so bizarre! Craig had barely spoken to him all afternoon. It was like he was just going through the motions, robotic and lacking animation. Granted his usual monotone voice and bored expression didn’t scream vivacity, but this was different. Craig wasn’t chatting to <em>him.</em></p><p> </p><p>Despite being known as subdued and pretty standoffish, Craig had always made an effort to talk to Tweek even before they had started <em>dating.</em> He was particularly verbose when it came to subjects that he had a passion for; pretty much anything nerdy and/or related to guinea pigs. Even during their walks between lessons, Craig hadn’t ranted to him about his <em>bitch </em>of a teacher or the shit ton of homework he’d been set. He’d not even complained about Stan and those lot, which he normally did at least once an hour.</p><p> </p><p>Tweek had tried to gauge what was going on in Craig’s head, glancing at him surreptitiously to see if his face held any clues. That damned poker face gave nothing away! Was the dark haired boy mad at him for something?</p><p> </p><p>The blonde couldn’t think of anything that might have annoyed Craig lately,, other than his usual quirks. But he had long been assured by his boyfriend that he loved him, ‘spazzy’ moments and all. It probably wasn’t that then. Tweek racked his brain further.  Maybe Craig was mad that he’d spent lunch with the student council instead of him and the guys? That theory was shot down when he remembered how much Craig encouraged him to be independent, pushing him to do things like drama club or piano rehearsals, so it was unlikely that he minded Tweek skipping one lunch to do a bake sale. Craig wasn’t <em>that </em>clingy.</p><p> </p><p>Wild ideas grew in Tweek’s mind as he contemplated what could be causing the abnormal behaviour, with South Park that could be anything. Maybe he had bad news? <em>Oh fuck what’s if he was dying? </em>Tweek shook that thought from his head, it didn’t even bear dwelling on even in a catastrophic spiral. Instead he thought of the next worst thing, Craig could be wanting to dump him? Or maybe he was secretly a lobster person and was quiet because he was plotting world domination?</p><p> </p><p>Unable to hold in the concern anymore, Tweek subtly (or at least attempted to be subtle) asked if <em>everything was okay?</em> At least then if Craig admitted he was a robot intent on mass destruction he wouldn’t be caught unaware.</p><p> </p><p>There was a long pause and Tweek was sure his heart would stop.</p><p>Was this the moment Craig would unveil some dire news? Maybe he was moving away and leaving him in South Park? Maybe he’d had enough of him and was dating someone else?</p><p> </p><p>Finally Craig said something, though it wasn’t exactly reassuring. “I’m just thinking about things, nothing to worry about honey.”</p><p> </p><p>That definitely sounded to Tweek like he was thinking about their relationship, more specifically, <em>ending </em>their relationship, and he couldn’t help but let out, “Are you <em>ngh </em>wanting to break up with me?” The blonde refused to acknowledge the wobble in his voice or the way his lip pulled up into a pout. He was pretty sure that if Craig, for real, wanted to break up then it wouldn’t just be the town this time that was plunged into a deep depression.</p><p> </p><p>“No… no.. no..” Craig had then protested vehemently before mumbling some dubious excuse about being worried over his guinea-pig. Although the dark haired often fussed over their fur baby like a doting father, his tone didn’t ring <em>true </em>or maybe Tweek just had a good bullshit detector from the amount of times his parents had lied to him over the years.</p><p> </p><p>Still, Tweek decided to play along for now and took a gander at Stripe who seemed content enough in his admittedly expensive habitat. The boys had spent frankly too much of their pocket money spoiling Stripe, but well he was their first child.</p><p> </p><p>Shrugging, Tweek thought it reasonable to suggest that they move Stripe onto the bed with them while they watched TV. Settling their beloved between them, the blonde couldn’t help but sink in to the warmth and comfort that was Craig’s presence, even if he was acting a little oddly.</p><p> </p><p>For some reason, Tweek had always felt content being with the dark haired boy, to most he was closed off and rude, but to Tweek, Craig was everything. The steady thrum of his chest, the firm grip of his fingers intertwined with his, even the distinct scent of Craig all made Tweek relax. Which was honestly a big deal when Tweek’s own parents couldn’t instil that elusive feeling of serenity in him.</p><p> </p><p>Too soon the time came when Tweek had to leave the cocoon of Craig’s embrace as his alarm signalled that he would be left for curfew. If only it was a Saturday night, maybe then he’d be able to convince his parents to allow a <em>sleepover. </em>Sadly as they aged, those had become more and more rare: Tweek had been forced to take more shifts at the coffee shop and their parents undoubtedly worried about their fading childhood innocence.</p><p> </p><p>Not that the latter was a problem currently, Craig hadn’t even kissed him yet! And maybe he never would if he broke up with him! Tweek’s mind raced as he made his way home. Maybe Craig wanted to dump him because Tweek hadn’t <em>put out</em> or whatever. The blonde had overheard Clyde bragging to anyone who who would listen about how far he’d gone, maybe Craig wanted that too? But then why wouldn’t he just <em>kiss </em>him if that was the case? Craig was the confident one usually, the one who initiated relationship matters like holding hands and hugs; Tweek hadn’t had much physical comfort from his parents growing up so had never been quite sure what to do.</p><p> </p><p>No if Craig hadn’t kissed him yet, then he probably didn’t want to. Which was a shame because Tweek <em>really </em>wanted to kiss Craig. It was then that the blonde resolved that he would  get a kiss from Craig as well as work out what was bothering his boyfriend. He arrived home to an empty house, just a note tacked onto the microwave about leftovers, and determined it was time to make up a plan.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tweek paced the well worn carpet of his bedroom, a coffee mug in his hand. It was only his third of the day; he’d promised to cut down on his caffeine intake and was slowly weaning himself down. He was pretty proud of the achievement he’d made so far and his ‘spazzy’ moments had decreased over time because of it. It turned out that chugging coffee like it was water from a young age was not such a good idea after all.</p><p> </p><p>His allocated third cup of the day almost drank, Tweek sighed in frustration. What to do? What to do? What to do? Craig was acting odd and he needed a plan to figure out what, his therapist recommended writing ideas down and steps as it helped to keep him focussed on a goal. Then there was the whole <em>kissing </em>thing. But he’d need to ask some of the girls about that. He was not going to ask Clyde for two reasons: (1) He was a huge blabbermouth with undying loyalty to Craig so would immediately tell him and (2) the way Clyde described his kissing technique was frankly revolting. Tweek was pretty sure that sticking a tongue deep inside someone’s mouth would trigger a gag reflex not be <em>hot </em>as he called it. Ugh.</p><p> </p><p>He figured that <em>kissing </em>would have to wait till after he worked out Craig’s secret, if he was going to get dumped, he didn’t want to deal with the heartbreak that was knowing Craig’s kiss to then never experience it again. He needed to know what was wrong so he could fix it and maybe have a chance to stop worrying.</p><p> </p><p>So Tweek for once used his phone to google something other than doomsday conspiracy theories. First he looked up how to get someone to tell you their secret. Wikihow had some good suggestions such as building up trust by having sincere and even off-topic conversations as well as just being there for the person, making it clear you can be trusted. The search engine also brought up a psychology website article that was titled ‘Top Ten Secrets People Don’t Share With Anyone’. It seemed pretty interesting, and maybe it could give him some ideas, so Tweek clicked on it.</p><p> </p><p><em>Extra-relational thoughts, sexual behaviours, lies, ambition of goals, theft and financial secrets</em> were some of the top secrets apparently! Tweek’s mind raced. The extra relational one he had expected, he’d already considered that Craig liked someone better than him and was planning on dumping him, but the others were a bit shocking.</p><p> </p><p>Sexual behaviours? Tweek tried to hide the involuntary flush that spread over his cheeks by reminding himself that he was alone and that his parents were going to randomly demand to know what he was looking at. But jeez it was a lot! Tweek was only twelve, and whilst yes he knew about sex, every kid in South Park did with Mr Garrison as their teacher, he hadn’t even considered that Craig could have like an embarrassing <em>fetish </em>or <em>kink.</em> They’d not even kissed so Tweek couldn’t imagine how he’d react if Craig was like <em>shove a gerbil up my ass </em>or something like Mr Slave had done in class. God that would be a nightmare. Tweek really didn’t like holding live animals, he’d only got used to Stripe in Craig’s watchful presence.</p><p> </p><p>Tweek took deep and calming breaths. He really had to stop prophesising like his therapist said. It was annoying how his mind would take one little concept and run wild with it till it was a full fledged horror story. It’s like the jumps from Craig’s acting odd, to Craig is going to ask me to shove a gerbil up his ass, was but a step in his mind when they were more like a leap.</p><p> </p><p>Feeling a bit calmer now he realised that he shouldn’t presumptively predict Craig’s secret and that it could be something as innocuous as he (not so) secretly wanted to be an astronaut, Tweek resolved that he would try what Wikihow said; he would act himself till Craig felt comfortable enough to tell him. Then maybe he could ask Wendy and Heidi about <em>kissing.</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A little more... but this chapter isn’t finished yet. I just really need to sleep.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning came all too soon, and Tweek groaned as he made his way downstairs in desperate need for coffee. Despite wanting to sleep, he’d spent the night tossing and turning, twitching at all sorts of <em>thoughts.</em> There was the paranoia of what the hell was going on with Craig, and then there was the more <em>intrusive </em>thoughts of what it would be like to <em>kiss </em>Craig. Would he do it right? Would it feel nice? It was breathtakingly scary, and Tweek’s mind went to mush at the thought of it. <em>Gah.</em> It was hard to stop obsessing.</p><p> </p><p>The brisk air of Colorado did help him clear his thoughts at least somewhat, as he made his way to the bus stop, a fresh coffee cup in hand. Like always, the town of South Park was bitingly cold, and like always Tweek had forgotten to bring himself a coat. The blonde had too much going on in his head to think of such things as <em>basic necessities</em>. When thoughts like <em>fuck the president wants to kill me</em> occupied your mind, what was a little inclement weather? Still, he was shivering by the time he met up with the reassuringly familiar face that was Craig’s bored expression. <em>Maybe everything was okay? Maybe Craig just had an off-day yesterday? Maybe it wasn’t the end of the world and their relationship?</em></p><p> </p><p>Tweek allowed himself to hope, which was always a dangerous thing, as Craig took his hand and led them onto the dilapidated vehicle they called a school bus. Unfortunately, the strangeness resumed, when Craig instead of sitting just to the side of Tweek on the ratty fabric of the chairs like he normally did, got <em>really </em>close to the blonde, to the point where he was practically sat on top of him instead of the chair.</p><p> </p><p>He was flustered. Why was Craig treating him like a piece of furniture? Was this to say that he saw him as invisible? Or like an object? Tweek wasn’t sure, but he could barely breathe under the weight of his boyfriend. The dark haired might be <em>light</em> but he was still a person, and Tweek wasn’t physically strong. Not enough to be subjected to the crushing mass that was a body.</p><p> </p><p>“Err Craig, is everything okay?” Tweek managed to push out with the limited capacity of his lungs. He really wanted to say <em>get the fuck off me man</em> but didn’t. Mainly because he loved Craig and didn’t want to upset his boyfriend, and secondly because Tweek was currently trapped under the boy and he knew better than to piss off someone that was practically on top of them.</p><p> </p><p>Craig just answered with an ambiguous. “Uh uh.”  It was so infuriating. What did that even mean? Still the pain was increasing and his feet were becoming tingly, numbness spreading as Craig was cutting off his blood supply. Tweek had to say something.</p><p> </p><p>“O…k.. well you’re kind of squishing me Craig. And like there’s a lot of space on the seat, I’m pretty sure even Cartman could fit there man.”</p><p> </p><p>There was a shouted <em>hey</em> in Cartman’s aggrieved voice which both boys ignored. Instead, Craig got a dejected look on his face as he said a small <em>oh </em>before mercifully moving from the squished Tweek.</p><p> </p><p>For the rest of the bus journey to school, Craig wouldn’t meet Tweek’s gaze, no matter how many searching glances he threw him. This just fueled the blonde’s paranoia further. <em>What the fuck was happening here? Why is Craig acting so strangely? </em></p><p> </p><p>School provided a little distraction, as his morning lessons did not feature his bizarrely acting boyfriend, so Tweek could concentrate on what really mattered. How the fuck was he going to kiss Craig? Did you just place your lips together? Did you put your tongue in? Gah! What’s if it got bitten?</p><p> </p><p>He must have twitched too much as Wendy pulled him aside after class and on their way to their shared next one. Tweek wasn’t entirely sure what lesson he’d even been in, he hadn’t paid a lick of attention to anything the teacher had said.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on Tweek? You seem more <em>agitated </em>than usual?” Wendy asked him in a kind voice, her question probably the most polite way Tweek had ever heard someone refer to his spasmodic outbursts.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ngh</em> ..<em>gah.. </em>I’m just <em>ung</em> worried.” Tweek looked at the dark haired girl, he knew Craig hated her; he often referred to her as a <em>nosy bitch </em>when he was feeling particularly mean. Tweek didn’t mind her though, she gave him <em>advice</em> and he appreciated it, even though it wasn’t always solicited.</p><p> </p><p>Wendy gave him a what was clearly meant to be a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “A problem shared is a problem halved Tweek. You know I’ll keep it a secret.”</p><p> </p><p>Tweek only just stopped himself from flinching. “It’s Craig.” The words flew out before he’d fully realised that they’d even formed. He watched as Wendy cocked her head in understanding.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? Relationship troubles?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ngh..</em> err kind of?” Tweek spoke quietly as they now made their way to their next class. Fortunately it was home economics, and both Tweek and Wendy were able to continue their conversation, as long as they kept it quiet. “Craig’s been acting really <em>ngh</em> distant? Like thinking a lot? Do you think he’s planning on breaking up with me?”</p><p> </p><p>There was a warm sympathy is Wendy’s brown eyes as she gave him a once over. “I don’t think Craig is going to be breaking up with you. Maybe there’s something going on? Like he could be planning you a surprise or something?”</p><p> </p><p>“A surprise?” That would never have occurred to Tweek. It wasn’t his birthday, and Craig knew he didn’t like spontaneity. “Why would he do that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Look around you Tweek. It’s almost Valentine’s Day.” Wendy gestured to the tacky heart shape décor that adorned the walls of the classroom, a little bit of <em>how do you not know </em>slipping into her tone. “I bet Craig is planning something super romantic, unlike <em>Stan</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>The name of her on-off again boyfriend was said with such rancour, it was obvious to Tweek that there was trouble in paradise there. He skipped over that bit though, he really didn’t want to hear about it if he could help it. “I dunno.. Craig and I don’t really do much for Valentine’s Day. We maybe hang out, but I’m working anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>“Trust me Tweek. I’ve seen the way Craig looks at you. There isn’t a girl in South Park that isn’t jealous. He’s definitely got something romantic for you.” Wendy stated matter-of-factly.</p><p> </p><p>Tweek let her words sink in. Maybe she was right? Maybe Craig was acting odd as he was organising something for <em>them?</em> The thought sent curious butterflies fluttering in his stomach. <em>Oh Jesus.</em> If they were going to have a <em>date</em> then maybe he would finally get his kiss? <em>Oh god what was he going to wear? </em></p><p> </p><p>After sensing the blonde’s inner turmoil at her revelations, Wendy had  promised him that she was only a text away and that he could call her anytime. He was pretty certain he was going to hold her to that when at lunchtime it was confirmed that <em>HE AND CRAIG WERE GOING ON A DATE! </em>Tweek had decided that he needed all sorts of tips if he was going to get through this alive. If it was even a date, and not just a convoluted plot to have him killed. </p>
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